Category Archives: Blog

Curiosity

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One of the greatest storytellers of our age has left us. It’s amazing to think that our time basking in the rays of greatness has left us, but that’s wrong; that’s incorrect; that’s a disservice.

It’s also more complicated than that.

No one would blame you for saying that the world is a little bit darker today without someone once they’ve left us. When you think about the magnitude of character, the body of work, the incredible talent that had been offered to the world and then wrenched so violently and suddenly from it, yeah, there’s a gaping hole, a massive wound. The world is in fact darker as a result of their departure.

But that is not to say there is no sun. That is not to say that all light has vanished, and we are plunged into eternal night. There is the point where we do a disservice.

Anthony Bourdain was found dead Friday of an apparent suicide. I felt a deep sadness when I was told of it. Then I felt anger. Then I felt selfish. Why? Fuck, this is complicated. It leads down so many roads. What is selfish, and what is truly selfless, and is there any crossover that could possibly be allowed? I can think of no better word than “complicated.”

So, I want to explore this for a moment. A person comes into the world and gives freely of themselves that which they can offer, whatever their talents may be. Anthony evolved from a chef to a conduit for the world. His writing was amazing. He was a complex man, plagued by demons all his life, but through his battles with them, he found tranquility and he found that this world is remarkable. He gave us his incredible viewpoints through prose I can only describe as vivid, poetic, beautiful.

But through his passing, we are robbed of any more of his thoughts. We are no longer able to understand the world through his lens. Is it bad to feel selfish for that? I’m instantly now drawn to one of my other favorite writers, who also took his own life: Ernest Hemingway. Another complex man (though, arguably, a man of less redeeming qualities than Anthony), when I think of him, I don’t feel angry for him taking himself from us early. I accept his body of work as complete, because that’s the only way I’ve known it.

Is that it though? Is that why this bothers me? I knew Anthony as a living person but never knew Ernest as one? Why should such a thing matter? A man is a man, and he is nothing more. We should be lucky to have him and what he offers us, right?

Like I said, it’s complicated. There is no cut-and-dry. We spend our time in the sun, and we must use that time wisely. I believe we should use that time wondering and trying to understand what makes it so bright and why it makes us feel so warm.

Basically, I think the lives of others, like Anthony’s, boils down to this: what do you take away from their life, their opinions?

I was watching CNN’s remembrance special, and Don Lemon hit on a number of fantastic viewpoints. (Really, this is the importance of multiple opinions on any given subject; you just might find something you missed.) “It came to him naturally. He was just curious. Isn’t that what makes a good journalist?” That’s when I understood what I would take away from Anthony’s tragedy: his curiosity.

Working where I do, I am in a remarkable, fortunate position to learn so much about the world by encountering so many different kinds of people coming together to achieve the same goal of flight. But I don’t ask enough questions. I’m a writer who fails at learning, and that is far too remarkable in the wrong direction. We should be inquisitive about our world, and what makes are world are its inhabitants. They all have a self, and they all have a story.

Why don’t I ask more about those stories?

If I take nothing else away from Anthony’s life, it’s this: How to write with emotion and sense of scene and how to explore the world. Fuck, this hurts so much, but if I learn nothing, if I utilize nothing, if I squander all his expertise, then his loss is truly a void: Empty space. If we take nothing from one another, we stagnate, and they are invalidated, which is such a sad, horrible existence. It does a disservice to everyone.

Curiosity is what I will take from Anthony’s wonderful life. That is how I will choose to honor him. What do you do to honor a life cut short?

-The Retail Explorer

Flowers

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Check out that flower! Isn’t it beautiful? It’s the first of the season for us, not flowers in general, but rather flowers actually grown from seed. When Holly passed a couple of months ago, the company that cremated her sent with her a packet of wildflower seeds on a paper heart. You plant the heart, and flowers grow. Symbolic and sweet. They finally began blooming yesterday.

It’s a lovely thing, but so what? What’s the point here? Well, it’s a simple pleasure, gardening, putting seeds and bulbs in the ground and watching them grow to something beautiful. It’s something you can come home to enjoy, which is incredibly important when you work in such a high-stress environment as customer service.

I was reflecting on this the other day, of the customers who have really stuck out for making my life particularly miserable, and how important it is to be able to shake their stench off you when you get home.

I still remember getting accused of stealing $20 from a customer because he couldn’t remember where he put it (because he’s an infallible customer and I’m a thieving shopkeeper, obviously). And I remember the time I got flak because a customer tried to return a non-returnable item a day after declining to accept a receipt (smart move). And the time I ruined a customer’s day by daring to run out of stock on two items.

This is just a sampling of the kind of crap service industry workers have to deal with on a daily basis, and that’s just in retail! I know for a fact that call centers, restaurants, and bars have far worse stories than these. That’s a terrifying thought. I was fortunate (in a way) to have worked where I had for as long as I did. The customers were generally good, which in the service industry is about as rare as a phoenix or a jackalope.

Customers excel at wearing you down to the point where you become little more than a nub, leaving you feel worn and useless and borderline worthless. These jobs require immense amount of humility, patience, dexterity, and thick skin, and even the strongest, most honed warriors of the industry find it hard at times to cope with the strain.

This goes for everyone, really, not just service industry employees. We all feel great weakness from time to time. This week has made that fact abundantly clear. Everybody hurts, and it can take us down. This world is cruel and painful, but none of us are alone. Lean on your friends and family. Let them help. That’s what they’re there to do. We’re all in this together. They’ll show you wonderful things, and try to get you back on your feet again.

The important thing is we find ways to strengthen ourselves again. No matter what, there is beauty in this world, and there can be joy again. I don’t profess to know all the answers. I’ve never been so low that I felt like nothing could save or redeem me, so I don’t know what the answer to getting out of that hole is. I know what makes me feel better, and I go from there. Sometimes it’s a good book; other times, a baseball game; and other times, it’s sitting with a beer in my backyard and looking at the flowers that grow there. I know for some people, it’s far more complicated than that, and I wish I understood that better. All I can offer is go into the world knowing that you are loved and appreciated.

-The Retail Explorer

Escape

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For anyone unfamiliar with Texas Country music, there’s a singer named Pat Green, who really helped put the Texas music scene on the map in the early aughts. Now, that’s not to say that he was the one who got Texas music started; far from it. The Texas music scene has been around in much the same capacity as it has been since Willie Nelson, Jerry Jeff Walker, Guy Clark, and even Jimmy Buffett roamed the Texas landscape. Green’s popularity, however, helped put Texas Country, also known as “Red Dirt Music”, out in a position of prominence again and helped shine a light on so many talented musicians which call this area home.

(Of course, by the same token, this is a singer who also said he’d never want to go to Nashville…until Nashville told them how many zeros they wanted to add to his record deal. I guess everyone has their price. Yet, I digress.)

Anyway, Green has a great song, entitled “Carry On”. The chorus begins with these lines:

“Everybody’s gotta get away sometime,
Forget about yourself for a while.
Seems to me that all you need
Is a ragtop car and a ride with me.”

It speaks to the simple joys of escapism. Everyone has a place they hold dear to them, some place of significant happiness and peace, where they often return by some means to rejuvenate their spirit.

For me, that place is northern New Mexico. If you can’t find serenity here, you’re doing something wrong. I could stare at the Brazos Cliffs and the Pedernale all day and never tire of the experience, or lack thereof. The stillness is magnificent.

We took advantage of the holiday weekend to come back here for the first time in over a year. Customers can grind you down, as can the day-to-day of running a shop and an aviation business.

Fortunately, it also comes at a time right at the transition point between two points in my webcomic’s story, whose second chapter begins Thursday. It’s an incredibly fortunate position for me, and I plan to take full advantage of it, recharging myself and planning out the run of this next story chapter. I’m excited to be here.

Mental health is incredibly important, and if you’re struggling to maintain yours, find your getaway as soon as you can. Find your escape, and even if it’s only in your mind, get there and revel in joy it brings you.

Where is your escape, comrades?

-The Retail Explorer