Happy Texas Independence Day, Y’all!

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Two special comics in one week? Am I insane? Yes, probably.

I am a Texan (as is Tim), and this is a day that I definitely celebrate annually, the day on which my grand state declared its independence from Mexico as the Republic of Texas. So, today, you get an special comic, and I get to drink Texas beers with Texas whiskey chasers and say to just about anyone I care to, “You may all go to hell, and I will go to Texas.”

If you are unfamiliar with the story which accompanies that quote, allow me to explain. Davy Crockett, “King of the Wild Frontier”, the American legend who ended up dying at the Alamo, made his way to Texas from Tennessee to take up residence and fight for the beautiful land he found there. He was just coming off of a loss in his campaign for re-election as a congressman for Tennessee. He stood up in a bar in Nacogdoches, Texas, and was believed to have said this:

“I am told, gentlemen, that, when a stranger, like myself, arrives among you, the first inquiry is ‘what brought you here?’ To satisfy your curiosity at once as to myself, I will tell you all about it. I was, for some years, a member of congress. In my last canvass, I told the people of my district, that, if they saw fit to re-elect me, I would serve them as faithfully as I had done; but, if not, they might go to hell, and I would go to Texas. I was beaten, gentlemen, and here I am.”

The quote has evolved from there, as language does over two hundred years, to read more like the quote that I stated in the first paragraph. It is a point of pride for us Texans and adds to the rich mythology of our state’s birth, one very similar to that of America’s birth, one filled with larger-than-life bravery and heroics from men who defied the odds. It is a beautiful story when you think about it. But perhaps that is because I am an old Texan who loves his home.

-The Retail Explorer

A NY Cop Killing German Terrorists, Or: A Disgruntled Bruce Willis

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Honestly, who doesn’t enjoy a disgruntled Bruce Willis?

Sorry about the long title (not like I have ever heard a complaint about one, yet), but I had difficulty deciding on which one to choose. So, naturally, I went with both. I held a poll on Twitter to decide which movie they should watch first, and Die Hard was the leader at post time. I am a bit disappointed, though, that no one voted for True Lies. It baffles me as to why it received less love than Battle Royale (not bashing BR one bit; it is a delightfully gruesome film, a grittier, Japanese Hunger Games, pretty much). True Lies is an action, buddy cop film with everything you could ever ask for: Arnold Schwarzenegger at the height of his power, Tom Arnold before he got stale, Bill Paxton (rest his soul) playing a delightful sleaze, Jamie Lee Curtis at her sexiest, and a strong performance from a young Eliza Dushku. Plus, there is the late Charlton Heston, before he went NRA insane, excellent supporting player Grant Heslov, and Tia Carrere, of Wayne’s World fame, and Art Malik playing fantastic baddies. They blow up a bridge, have a horse chasing a motorcycle through a hotel, a rescue staged with a Harrier plane, and a used car salesman wets himself out of fear! What is there not to love?! And I do not want to hear any excuses about not liking one of the actors named above. There are actors I dislike in films I love, and it does nothing to diminish my enjoyment of the film in question. That is a cop-out, and I will have none of it. Go. Watch. This. Movie. And Battle Royale, and Die Hard, because why not?

-The Retail Explorer

Mardi Gras/Fat Tuesday 2017

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Ash isn’t that type of girl, guys. Y’all should know that by now.

I was not planning on doing a comic today, since it is not a national holiday, per se. It is a special day on the calendar which many people celebrate around the world, so I guess it deserves a special comic (though probably not the one some of you out there might like to see for a day like Mardi Gras, haha). Sorry about the mislead (I’m not really sorry, though). Anywho, Happy Fat Tuesday!

-The Retail Explorer