Tag Archives: Jackass

Jackass, Part 2

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A perfect storm of Shopper jackassery. Let us break this down, shall we?

  1. If it requires a massive amount of change leaving the register, please, refrain from paying with a $100 bill. Unless you are at a larger chain or big box retailer. They have the means to break large bills more often than smaller shops like this one.
  2. If you end up paying with a card, specify how you want the card run. Some machines can distinguish automatically what kind of card it is, but many still require some kind of manual entry. Yes, we do get charged less for one method of payment over another, which differs based on the company offering the payment services, but if the Shopper acts like they care at that point, we know they do not, and we hate them more because of it. Please, use specificity when shopping.
  3. If you buy a keychain, or a single, small item, such a book or something, you don’t need a bag! “But I don’t want someone to see this yet,” or “but it’s a gift for someone.” Neither of these are logical excuses. If it is small enough to hide on your person, conceal it. If it is a gift, go buy them a card and gift bag, you cheap Shopper bastard! No one wants to receive a gift wrapped in a “Thank You for Shopping” bag!

I know that the Shopper will never understand these errors and will commit them again, and again, and again, and again, and…you get the picture. ‘Tis a sad, sad cycle of moronic behaviour that shall remain forever unbroken. Woe is the retail shopkeeper.

-The Retail Explorer

Jackass, Part 1

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Ah, the wonderful, rotten attitude of the Shopper continues through check out! When you go to shop, don’t do this. Ever. You will be reviled for it and lose any good will you might have recovered over the course of your time in the shop. Alas, this Shopper, like the vast majority, either fails to understand this or does not care if he has offended.

And regardless of how you may be feeling, never toss ANYTHING on to the counter, merchandise, payment, anything. It is the grandest of dick moves one can ever employ. I can assure you, once you do it, we will never forget it.

-The Retail Explorer

Phone Call #1

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Nope. Just here on my day off. Answering the phones. Just in case.

There are so many ways to obtain simple information such as this, and there are many more ways to ask for it poorly. A Shopper can come across as an even grander idiot than usual by asking questions stupidly. If you want to know if a store is open, refrain from asking them if they are, and instead ask them what their hours are that day. If your call falls within those bounds, then they are currently open. You can also gather that information if you realise that you are talking to an actual person because someone is actually there because they are open for business. It is incredibly simple, but for a Shopper, this is a remarkably difficult task. As you know, they are very dense, slow-witted creatures.

-The Retail Explorer