Tag Archives: Raven

Parrot

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There are so many things in retail that push a shopkeeper to his drinking point. Often, it is one of the numerous things that make us question our own existence.

A bachelor’s degree? Yes. Contrary to popular belief held by the Shopper, many shopkeepers actually do hold college degrees. They are not the mindless nitwits Shoppers make them out to be in their own minds. In fact, more often than not, my observations have shown that the reverse is more true, that the Shopper, not the shopkeeper, is the moron. There is far more evidence that the shopkeeper possesses greater common sense, if not also intellect in general, than the average Shopper who claims his shop as his home hunting space. How many signs put up by shopkeepers are just completely ignored by Shoppers on a daily basis? It is truly remarkable. And the lack of contrition or shame exhibited by Shoppers upon knowing what warnings and information they have missed is incredible. However, never is it, apparently, the fault of the Shopper for this misstep. No, it is always the fault of the shopkeeper, who holds a college degree, that the Shopper failed to read the hours of operation on the door or which items are included in a sale. The Shopper, as they all would have you believe, is infallible. This is why we drink…

-The Retail Explorer

Bad Jokes #3

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Make it stop!

Firstly, I would like to give a shout out to fellow retail tweeters @MusingsInRetail, @MeganTriumphant, and @fenian2153 for reminding me about these terrible, terrible jokes.

Secondly, to any Shoppers reading this, if you tell any of these so-called “jokes”, you are not funny, you are not original, and you should not be proud of yourself. These jokes are tired, ancient attempts at humor to lift the broken spirits of the poor souls forced to cater to your bizarre, upbeat demeanour and odd requests.

Since you are a Shopper and, therefore, a moron, here is a brief, incomplete list of things we do not wish to ever hear again (though we know you will force them upon us anyway): your awful jokes, your life story, your current woes, how hard it was to find our location, how expensive things are, how bad/nice the weather is, how bad the traffic is, anything about any political candidate, or anything about your plans for the rest of the day/week/month/year and what, if any, impact being in this shop had upon them.

Now, for you, dear comrade, should you encounter a wild Shopper ever utter any of these things, please, try your best to resist the urge to give them a good firm slap. It will do you absolutely no good, and any therapeutic benefits would be temporary, at best.