Category Archives: Comics

TBT: “Why is the Vodka Clear?”

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TBT Clear Vodka.jpg

Ah, the stupid things you overhear in a liquor store…

As I’ve discussed before, my first foray into the retail world was selling liquor back in college. My store was the biggest in the Texas panhandle, and at one point, the third largest distributor of Miller products. So, pretty much, we had everything anyone could ever want, and could get anything else, within reason. (And thank the maker this was before the craft beer boom. I’d have never caught up.)

The layout of the store was fairly simple. It was divided in half, with wine on the left side and beer and liquor on the right. Each section was highlighted by a large, neon-colored sign to denote which kind of booze was which. Without fail, we would daily get questions as to where to find certain kinds of alcohol. (I talked about that in a previous TBT post.)

Alcohol is, apparently, this mystical kind of thing, difficult to understand and magical in its makeup and properties. I’ve reached that conclusion because so often did customers come in with such wild misconceptions. The above sketch was one such instance that really has stuck with me all of these years. I did this sketch about four years ago, back before doing a full webcomic was even a thought. A young woman, college-aged, came in and silently stared at the vodka wall with one of her friends before finally opening her mouth to say, “Why is the vodka clear?”

I do not remember anything else that happened after that as I was so thrown for a loop that I could barely function.

One of vodka’s properties is its clarity. Pure alcohol is as clear as spring water. The only ways it can achieve any kind of color is through an aging process, mixing with other liquids, or artificial coloring. That’s pretty much how it works.

So, vodka, by nature of being a relatively flavorless liquor is almost always clear. I haven’t a clue where the hell this girl got that idea that it wasn’t clear. Maybe it was from one too many cosmopolitans or vodka cranberries, or maybe she had just never handled a bottle herself, having only drunk cocktails made for her by friends and bartenders. That’s all I can figure. But as we say in Texas, “Bless her heart.”

The Explorer’s Recommendation:

If you’re stuck for a good vodka, I’d highly suggest trying Reyka.

Reyka is small batch vodka made in Iceland. It’s made from arctic spring water that flows, and is filtered naturally, through a volcanic field and distilled in a copper Carter-Head still. It’s smooth and delightfully tasty, for a liquor that really doesn’t ever have much flavor anyway. The best part is it’s cheap, yet classy.

(This is not a paid advertisement, as I’m not important enough to get to be paid for sponsored content. That having been said, Reyka, if you’d like to toss a bottle or two my way, I would not be opposed.)

“But, TRE, you’re from Texas. Why aren’t you pushing Tito’s?”

Excellent question. The answer is I just prefer Reyka. Don’t get me wrong: Tito’s is a great vodka, and you will have absolutely no problem finding and enjoying it, especially since it’s another quality, low-cost alternative to Grey Goose or any other top shelf vodka. Plus, it’s a Texan product, so it should receive special mention here. You want a damn good Bloody Mary without all the mixing effort? Tito’s and Zing Zang. Done and done.

So, there’s two suggestions for you, comrades. Enjoy!

-The Retail Explorer

Better

Better (Completed).jpg

You all deserve better.

Okay, maybe not EVERYONE deserves better. Some people are just terrible people who struggle in relationships because they act like a terrible person. Many others are good people who just, for whatever sad, awful reasons, get treated poorly and wind up feeling like they cant catch a break.

But the only way to know that is to get to know them first. Everyone deserves at least the benefit of the doubt at first glance. If they look like a decent enough person superficially, then go ahead and proceed beneath the surface. Never assume. (Unless they’re wearing Nazi paraphernalia, then treat them like the Nazi scum they are.)

This always makes me think of the best terrible expression I hear constantly: “You can’t judge a book by its cover,” which is 100% wrong. (The better expression regarding books and covers is “A book is only as good as its cover,” which is more true but still inaccurate. I’ve seen a number of crappy novels with beautiful packaging, such as Fifty Shades of Grey, which has fantastic design to distract you from the mediocre writing inside. Hell, you could probably even have an ugly book cover on a fantastic novel, but it just doesn’t happen, because publishers tend to be pretty sharp when it comes to things like cover design and advertising. Yet, I digress.)

You absolutely can judge a book by its cover. In fact, that’s exactly what book covers are designed to do: make you want to read the book! No one wants to pick up an ugly book. No one is enticed to read a book with a typo on the cover or bad art or cheap design. By the same token, no one wants to read a book with a bland, expressionless cover. The book cover has to give you some idea of what is inside its pages. For example, let’s take a couple of American classics: The Old Man and the Sea and Moby-Dick.

Let’s say you’ve never read this (and maybe you haven’t, which is okay, but I highly suggest Hemingway’s works) and saw these at a bookstore. Right away, you’d know a good deal about them, right? Fishermen battling massive sea creatures. Maybe that doesn’t interest you, and you pass on them. That’s fine, because it’s at least a semi-informed decision. Maybe you don’t like books about the ocean or sailing, or you’re not a fan of man-versus-beast conflict. Perfectly acceptable.

But go deeper on the covers, and you can uncover some important details to help form your opinion. From the men in the boats to the kinds of tools being used to the animals being hunted, you can tell a considerable amount of what you can expect from these stories. Even the skies tell you a lot, as do the different design elements being used.

Those design elements, such as the borders, cover colors, typography, etc., have become increasingly important in contemporary literature as cover design has taken strides away from artistic to minimalist design. Often you see nothing more than the title, author, and some symbolic image from the book to represent it. It’s not a new trend, but it’s one that has proven it’s gonna stick around for a while. Regardless, these covers are engineered to pique your interest and make you want to learn more about it to the point that you really want to pick it up and read it. (I could go on and on about cover design, but it’s considerably far beyond the point I’m making.)

So, the point is this: Give everyone a chance until they prove you otherwise.

But if you’re going to take a girl out, for godsakes, be a gentleman and treat her like a lady. Bring her flowers. Open doors for her. Be considerate of her. Basically, treat her with respect. She is something of value and should be treated as such.

Until she starts saying racist shit, then you start figuring out how to end the night as quickly as possible, as soon as the screaming inside your own head dies down enough for you to think straight.

-The Retail Explorer