Make it stop!

Firstly, I would like to give a shout out to fellow retail tweeters @MusingsInRetail, @MeganTriumphant, and @fenian2153 for reminding me about these terrible, terrible jokes.

Secondly, to any Shoppers reading this, if you tell any of these so-called “jokes”, you are not funny, you are not original, and you should not be proud of yourself. These jokes are tired, ancient attempts at humor to lift the broken spirits of the poor souls forced to cater to your bizarre, upbeat demeanour and odd requests.

Since you are a Shopper and, therefore, a moron, here is a brief, incomplete list of things we do not wish to ever hear again (though we know you will force them upon us anyway): your awful jokes, your life story, your current woes, how hard it was to find our location, how expensive things are, how bad/nice the weather is, how bad the traffic is, anything about any political candidate, or anything about your plans for the rest of the day/week/month/year and what, if any, impact being in this shop had upon them.

Now, for you, dear comrade, should you encounter a wild Shopper ever utter any of these things, please, try your best to resist the urge to give them a good firm slap. It will do you absolutely no good, and any therapeutic benefits would be temporary, at best.