Here’s the second in our series on regulars. Meet Broseph McMoron.

Broseph, as I touched on ever so briefly in our first post, is named so because, well, he is a moron and calls me “bro” every time. If you recall what I said about pet names, we don’t like them. “Bro” is right up there at the top of the list.

I’m not your bro, buddy.

Shall I list the reasons why?

Okay, maybe only that second reason is accurate. When you use a pet name, we instantly move you over to the bad side of the board. We don’t care if that’s just your personality. We don’t know you, nor do we really care to all that much, and we don’t feel any attachment to you. There are very few of my regulars that I actually like. They don’t even call me names, so why do these other shoppers feel that they have the invitation to do so? Thing is they don’t. We don’t welcome it. We barely like it when you know our actual names. If you must call us by anything, try “sir” or “miss”. (Hell, I’ll even accept “man”.)

So, Broseph got up on the wrong side of the bed to begin with. Not a great start. From there, he just kept digging his hole bigger through general stupidity and laziness, which is par for the course for most of my customers. Honestly, nothing really egregious sticks out in my mind; “Bro” is just what brands him for me.

That, and he would always walk right up to the counter and shake my hand with the most miserable limp handshake. It’s weird enough that you go out of your way to shake the hand of a retail sales associate who’s really not doing much to help you with any major purchase, but to do it with such an awful handshake? That’s a whole new level of blech. That’s almost as bad as sweaty money. Almost. (We’ll touch on that another time.)

Oh, Pete, so hopeful.

Those are a couple of my favorite strips. Dell is a rockstar in these. And as usual, both of these things have actually happened in the shop. I don’t recall if Broseph was actually the instigator or not, but I absolutely buy him as having been the inspiration behind these.

Bottom line is this: Don’t call us by pet names. Just treat us with the same level of respect that we extend to you. And as always, don’t be a moron. Use your head. We’ll love you forever.

-The Retail Explorer