Birdbrains

Smooth Exit 4

Hey, watch out for those doors. They’ll jump out and getcha.

At the end of last week, the owner made a curious request, signalling a possible about-face from his current stance of wanting to close the store. He asked me to break up the single store fixture, a long series of connected gondola shelving units running down the center of the shop, and move the now eight-foot segments against the windows to make shorter aisles and open up more space for him to move his helicopter flight school into the space (not kidding one bit about this).

So, yesterday and today, I accommodated his request. In the process, I exposed two raised power outlets in the center of the shop space. I placed the fixtures over them to minimize risk of Shopper, well, death. In exposing them, I had to find ways to cover them up without taking away too much space for the Shoppers to navigate the shop. (They’re quite poor at that kind of thing.)

Over one, I placed the small cylindrical speaker my future mother-in-law bought me for Christmas a couple of years back, which I had been using to play the in-store music so that the Shoppers would shut their annoying traps about it being so quiet in there. (Seriously, quiet is good. What’s wrong with quiet?) Over the other, I placed this wire news rack, sent to us years ago by an industry magazine publisher to display their product.

As I looked at it, silently guiding Shoppers around it like a traffic cop, I chuckled. A few times. Why? Well, because of the similar way in which I used it back before the building’s renovations. Allow me to explain.

Back then, we had almost exactly the same footprint for the shop. The only differences were the doors and stock rooms. The only one worth mentioning here is the front door, two massive sliding glass doors, which slid behind massive pane glass windows. Well, apparently, this opening was too ambiguous, too poorly defined for my Shoppers. Far too often, they’d glide right into the glass like little birds. Cold days, when I would make the opening smaller, only made the problem worse. I knew it was only a matter of time before one of these little birdies smacked into it hard enough they’d go flying right through the glass.

To combat that, I moved some stuff around in the shop to signify where the doors ended and the entrance began, because the thick aluminum frame wasn’t enough of an indicator. One one side, I placed the flight cases (think big briefcases for pilots to transport their instruments and charts, which they really don’t carry anymore now that charts have gone digital); on the other, I placed the news rack.

It didn’t work.

They still smacked into the door. Honestly, I should have expected it from a creature so unobservant as the Shopper, which doesn’t even notice signs, which are put there to inform and aid them, on the door at eye level. They’re basic, predictable creatures.

So, I stood over this news rack, in the middle of the room, for a minute or two, smiling and chuckling, listening to them smack into it in my head. Ah, memories.

-The Retail Explorer

TBT: “Why is the Vodka Clear?”

TBT Clear Vodka.jpg

Ah, the stupid things you overhear in a liquor store…

As I’ve discussed before, my first foray into the retail world was selling liquor back in college. My store was the biggest in the Texas panhandle, and at one point, the third largest distributor of Miller products. So, pretty much, we had everything anyone could ever want, and could get anything else, within reason. (And thank the maker this was before the craft beer boom. I’d have never caught up.)

The layout of the store was fairly simple. It was divided in half, with wine on the left side and beer and liquor on the right. Each section was highlighted by a large, neon-colored sign to denote which kind of booze was which. Without fail, we would daily get questions as to where to find certain kinds of alcohol. (I talked about that in a previous TBT post.)

Alcohol is, apparently, this mystical kind of thing, difficult to understand and magical in its makeup and properties. I’ve reached that conclusion because so often did customers come in with such wild misconceptions. The above sketch was one such instance that really has stuck with me all of these years. I did this sketch about four years ago, back before doing a full webcomic was even a thought. A young woman, college-aged, came in and silently stared at the vodka wall with one of her friends before finally opening her mouth to say, “Why is the vodka clear?”

I do not remember anything else that happened after that as I was so thrown for a loop that I could barely function.

One of vodka’s properties is its clarity. Pure alcohol is as clear as spring water. The only ways it can achieve any kind of color is through an aging process, mixing with other liquids, or artificial coloring. That’s pretty much how it works.

So, vodka, by nature of being a relatively flavorless liquor is almost always clear. I haven’t a clue where the hell this girl got that idea that it wasn’t clear. Maybe it was from one too many cosmopolitans or vodka cranberries, or maybe she had just never handled a bottle herself, having only drunk cocktails made for her by friends and bartenders. That’s all I can figure. But as we say in Texas, “Bless her heart.”

The Explorer’s Recommendation:

If you’re stuck for a good vodka, I’d highly suggest trying Reyka.

Reyka is small batch vodka made in Iceland. It’s made from arctic spring water that flows, and is filtered naturally, through a volcanic field and distilled in a copper Carter-Head still. It’s smooth and delightfully tasty, for a liquor that really doesn’t ever have much flavor anyway. The best part is it’s cheap, yet classy.

(This is not a paid advertisement, as I’m not important enough to get to be paid for sponsored content. That having been said, Reyka, if you’d like to toss a bottle or two my way, I would not be opposed.)

“But, TRE, you’re from Texas. Why aren’t you pushing Tito’s?”

Excellent question. The answer is I just prefer Reyka. Don’t get me wrong: Tito’s is a great vodka, and you will have absolutely no problem finding and enjoying it, especially since it’s another quality, low-cost alternative to Grey Goose or any other top shelf vodka. Plus, it’s a Texan product, so it should receive special mention here. You want a damn good Bloody Mary without all the mixing effort? Tito’s and Zing Zang. Done and done.

So, there’s two suggestions for you, comrades. Enjoy!

-The Retail Explorer

Store and WebToon

Okay, so, I know some of you have been wondering about this, and I have great, exciting news for you. I’ve been working for the past month to get an online store up and running. It’s been quite the undertaking, but we’re finally almost there. We’ll have a storefront on Zazzle open by the start of February! Not a whole lot of offerings to start, but there’s some fun stuff there, and I’m always looking for suggestions as to what y’all might like to see/buy.

Secondly, we’ve been on Tapastic (which is available online and on an app for Android and Apple) for a few months now, and that has been pretty successful, I’d say. So, we’re going to make the jump over to Line WebToon around the same time the Zazzle shop opens up. Once we get those officially up and running, I’ll give y’all a heads-up with links to the pages. So, get excited for February, comrades!

-The Retail Explorer