Tag Archives: Shoppers

Flowers

~

Check out that flower! Isn’t it beautiful? It’s the first of the season for us, not flowers in general, but rather flowers actually grown from seed. When Holly passed a couple of months ago, the company that cremated her sent with her a packet of wildflower seeds on a paper heart. You plant the heart, and flowers grow. Symbolic and sweet. They finally began blooming yesterday.

It’s a lovely thing, but so what? What’s the point here? Well, it’s a simple pleasure, gardening, putting seeds and bulbs in the ground and watching them grow to something beautiful. It’s something you can come home to enjoy, which is incredibly important when you work in such a high-stress environment as customer service.

I was reflecting on this the other day, of the customers who have really stuck out for making my life particularly miserable, and how important it is to be able to shake their stench off you when you get home.

I still remember getting accused of stealing $20 from a customer because he couldn’t remember where he put it (because he’s an infallible customer and I’m a thieving shopkeeper, obviously). And I remember the time I got flak because a customer tried to return a non-returnable item a day after declining to accept a receipt (smart move). And the time I ruined a customer’s day by daring to run out of stock on two items.

This is just a sampling of the kind of crap service industry workers have to deal with on a daily basis, and that’s just in retail! I know for a fact that call centers, restaurants, and bars have far worse stories than these. That’s a terrifying thought. I was fortunate (in a way) to have worked where I had for as long as I did. The customers were generally good, which in the service industry is about as rare as a phoenix or a jackalope.

Customers excel at wearing you down to the point where you become little more than a nub, leaving you feel worn and useless and borderline worthless. These jobs require immense amount of humility, patience, dexterity, and thick skin, and even the strongest, most honed warriors of the industry find it hard at times to cope with the strain.

This goes for everyone, really, not just service industry employees. We all feel great weakness from time to time. This week has made that fact abundantly clear. Everybody hurts, and it can take us down. This world is cruel and painful, but none of us are alone. Lean on your friends and family. Let them help. That’s what they’re there to do. We’re all in this together. They’ll show you wonderful things, and try to get you back on your feet again.

The important thing is we find ways to strengthen ourselves again. No matter what, there is beauty in this world, and there can be joy again. I don’t profess to know all the answers. I’ve never been so low that I felt like nothing could save or redeem me, so I don’t know what the answer to getting out of that hole is. I know what makes me feel better, and I go from there. Sometimes it’s a good book; other times, a baseball game; and other times, it’s sitting with a beer in my backyard and looking at the flowers that grow there. I know for some people, it’s far more complicated than that, and I wish I understood that better. All I can offer is go into the world knowing that you are loved and appreciated.

-The Retail Explorer

The Hands of a Clock

~
ntrn-3061-10

Didn’t think this was that hard to figure out, yet here we are.

I work, therefore I stare at a clock all day. In retail, I’m sure we do it more often than other occupations, often to our own doom. It’s a widely recognized fact that observing the clock instantaneously slows down the rate of the passage of time, causing the following hour to last three times its normal rate.

Perhaps somewhat ironically, we often sell clocks. Not every store does, but many do. Mine does. Ours are all aviation-themed, from clocks with warbirds on them to clocks designed to look like avionics. The other day, I sold one such clock, which resembled an airspeed indicator (ASI). These types of clocks are the most popular among our shoppers, and I completely understand why. The idea is intriguing, the design is sharp, and the colors are bold. They’re attractive clocks, and they really grab the attention of a pilot.

The shopper in question was only there to buy novelty items. He walked out with two t-shirts and the ASI clock. However, he was concerned that it would function properly as it had no battery and only two hands. I put a AA battery in the clock and watched as it slowly ticked. Yet, his concern persisted.

“But what if it doesn’t work?” he asked, clearly having never dealt with a retail store before. I then briskly explained how return policies work. Two hours later, I receive a phone call from that same shopper:

Him: The long hand, yeah, it’s not a minute hand; it’s a second hand.

Me: Huh?

Him: Yeah, it’s a second hand. It ticks every second.

Me: Yes, that’s how it’s supposed to be. Since it only has two hands, it’s a minute hand that advances every second.

Him: That’s a second hand.

Me: No, sir. It performs both functions since there is no second hand.

Him: There is a second hand. There isn’t a minute hand, though.

Me: (phone muted) The hell is this guy on about? (phone unmuted) No, sir. There is a minute hand and an hour hand.

Him: Umm, well, I don’t think that’s right. I think I’m just going to bring it back.

Me: Okay, sir.

Honestly, I don’t care if he returns it or not. Returning it only proves him to be the fool I know he already is, and we’re out a sale. Here’s the thing, though: Someone else will buy it. That’s the thing about retail. There will always be another buyer. Unless you’ve priced something too high, someone else will always be interested.

But beyond anything else, this is a perfect example of one of the most constant and strong of shopper tendencies: Stubbornness. The shopper has a tendency to ignore the informed opinions of those who work around these products and just go with their original preconceived ideas regarding the products they seek. If it looks like two hands when it should have three, anything less than three will feel incorrect, despite the fact that the reality of the situation is actually different from what they have secured in their minds. Why listen to us? We just work here in constant contact with these products every day. I mean, what do we know anyway?

Which brings me to another customer I had come to me recently. He was preparing for a check ride. For any comrades out there unfamiliar with aviation training, each certificate and type rating for airmen generally consists of three parts: written exam, oral exam, and practical exam. There are prep books geared toward each portion. The check ride is when an FAA-approved examiner administers the oral and practical exams to an applicant.

So, I showed this shopper to the two books he would need: the oral exam guide and the airman certification standards. He opened up the latter and began flipping through it. It’s all written basically in codes which are explained in the first few pages of the book, which he ignored, despite my insistence that they would provide the information he needed. Instead, he just said: “Nah, I don’t think I need that. I’ll pass.”

No need to listen to me. I’ve only been in the aviation field for five years now. What do I know?

-The Retail Explorer

Shopper Profiles: Broseph McMoron

~

Here’s the second in our series on regulars. Meet Broseph McMoron.

Broseph McMoron

Broseph, as I touched on ever so briefly in our first post, is named so because, well, he is a moron and calls me “bro” every time. If you recall what I said about pet names, we don’t like them. “Bro” is right up there at the top of the list.

not your buddy

I’m not your bro, buddy.

Shall I list the reasons why?I Hate You (Elzar, Futurama).gif

Okay, maybe only that second reason is accurate. When you use a pet name, we instantly move you over to the bad side of the board. We don’t care if that’s just your personality. We don’t know you, nor do we really care to all that much, and we don’t feel any attachment to you. There are very few of my regulars that I actually like. They don’t even call me names, so why do these other shoppers feel that they have the invitation to do so? Thing is they don’t. We don’t welcome it. We barely like it when you know our actual names. If you must call us by anything, try “sir” or “miss”. (Hell, I’ll even accept “man”.)

So, Broseph got up on the wrong side of the bed to begin with. Not a great start. From there, he just kept digging his hole bigger through general stupidity and laziness, which is par for the course for most of my customers. Honestly, nothing really egregious sticks out in my mind; “Bro” is just what brands him for me.

That, and he would always walk right up to the counter and shake my hand with the most miserable limp handshake. It’s weird enough that you go out of your way to shake the hand of a retail sales associate who’s really not doing much to help you with any major purchase, but to do it with such an awful handshake? That’s a whole new level of blech. That’s almost as bad as sweaty money. Almost. (We’ll touch on that another time.)

IMG_9684

IMG_8854

Oh, Pete, so hopeful.

Those are a couple of my favorite strips. Dell is a rockstar in these. And as usual, both of these things have actually happened in the shop. I don’t recall if Broseph was actually the instigator or not, but I absolutely buy him as having been the inspiration behind these.

Bottom line is this: Don’t call us by pet names. Just treat us with the same level of respect that we extend to you. And as always, don’t be a moron. Use your head. We’ll love you forever.

-The Retail Explorer